I have decided to put this up as is ... perhaps later I will edit it or make corrections as needed, but now, it's just going up.
I've had a rough couple weeks with health issues, not weather related, but at times may as well have been. At any rate, the Good Lord has heard the many prayers that were offered and by His Goodness and Mercy, I'm feeling a little more up to speed again, praise His Holy Name :)
Yesterday, in particular I had an unexpected severe panic type situation where I was trying to stave off a certain attack that seemed imminent. I haven't taken scripts other than a B/P pill or occasional arthritis med for some time now, and I couldn't readily find the medication I needed. I don't LIKE prescription meds and keep them out of sight most of the time. This happened just as I was about to do my daily 3pm's (which BEGIN at 2 now LOL).
For months now, it seems that it's been increasingly more difficult to keep my prayer time. It's been a battle on occasion to keep it or make up for what was missed, sometimes even in the middle of the night. However, yesterday, I was a "MAD WOMAN" in fear and on a mission to find that dang pill. Sentences were just spewing from my lips, being blurted out without much thought before hand. My words were strong with intensity of feeling perhaps on the verge of screaming! Some would say I was having an "episode" lol ... perhaps I was. However, one of the things I recall saying with a vengeance and anger was: "You think you're gonna stop me from praying? .. Well YOU'RE NOT, you stupid ugly thing .. I'm only going to PRAY MORE AND MORE!" I did find the pill .. I sat down, took up my rosary and began praying with a fervor and intensity that is not often experienced.
There was something I said during this time in my petitions that hit me between the eyes as if I didn't know what I was saying until I heard it. For the life of me, I don't know what it is now, but I know it was significant and left me with more strength and closer to the Two Hearts :) I know it was pleasing to the Trinity and our Lady so it must have been put on my lips by the Holy Spirit, Himself :) Since then, I have the deep peace and joy that sometimes comes as a treasure from heaven. Only a few times have I felt this and it makes me realize how FULL OF GRACE our Lady MUST have HAD to be in order to be ABLE to CONTAIN her LOVE of God. As humans, I don't believe we have the capacity to hold a minuscule amount of the heavenly joy that awaits us in eternity. I believe this is why we have heard that some priests and lay folks have actually died from joy.
I have been asking (begging really) to love God more. During some of these petitioning times, it has occurred to me that when we love God (Who deserves everything anyway), it's US who actually RECEIVE. I'm hoping I say this right so I can make folks really understand. When we love God truly, it comes back to US in JOY .... supernatural joy. This joy is a glorious GIFT from heaven. Now, we do not want to love God only so that we can obtain this joyful gift .. I doubt that would work anyway! LOL ... But when we genuinely seek to love Him BECAUSE of HIM, we are filled with all good things. I think that's where "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His Righteousness and all else will be added unto you. " comes in. Our Heavenly Father will not be outdone in generosity! :)
I SO love my prayer time, it's far from a chore ... though, there have been dry times and dark nights that make it seem so. But mostly, I always learn something new, even if it's only the way an animal in the stable moved or the way the Cross sounded when it dragged behind Him as He stumbled under its weight. Yesterday, it left me with a very clear impression about LOVE.
Three things I have tried to share with as many that would listen that came to me in this same way. The first got a Nihil Obstat and is the
USA Chaplet. The second is the
Public Penance Project that never got off the ground. The third is the Petition to beg God to
empty purgatory into heaven daily during the Hour of Divine Mercy. And this one is related to LOVE .... TO LOVE JESUS FOR THE WORLD ... THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!
We've all heard the expression "Not for the WORLD!" Mostly used in reference to show our love for something we hold dear. "Would you trade your good husband for a rolls royce?" "NOT FOR THE WORLD!" How about all the things the world tries to give us, or more aptly put; tries to lure us in with. And we all know who's holding that fishing rod, right? The ole boy knows us better than we know ourselves and that includes our weaknesses which we try to fool ourselves into thinking are nil to none. Lets face it, the world has a lot to offer. Lots of noise, sparkle, hoopla and sensations to keep us entertained quite a long time ... a lifetime, in fact.
The world, our jobs, school, clubs, leisure activities and problems of the day don't leave us much time to even think let alone do anything else but just collapse into our easy chairs at the end of the day and zone out with the tube, which, with its programming and advertising, throws more 'world' in our faces at intense and voracious speeds. We hobble off to bed where, if we're lucky enough to calm our minds we may fall off to sleep within a reasonable time so that we can wake up the next morning to do it all again. Do we stop to think WHO gives us that next breath we need TO wake up that next morning to do it all again?
I have said it for years that we give more time and consideration to our hobbies and leisure activities than we do to the Holy Trinity and the Holy Family ... right ... we also, all too often forget St. Joseph! But if not for Jesus, who could even take his next breath? You can call it science or bodily functions or what ever you want, but just remember WHO put those things together from the foundation of the universe.
Jesus gave His ALL for us when He knew so many would mock, ridicule and even hate Him in return, yet He still did it. His love and mercy is INFINITE and PERFECT. What we throw at Him in return is a JOKE most of the time in comparison. And should certainly make us hang our heads in shame and utter disgust. He cuts us a lot of slack, He knows our human condition as well as living life here in this valley of tears. I can't even CONCEIVE of the patience and will and LOVE it took for the King of the Universe to take on human flesh and be born as we are. Waiting 9 months in the very womb that He, Himself created from nothingness. The vulnerable time during infancy and being a toddler when He Who created the stars, the seas, the vegetation and the creatures had to be taught how to eat and walk and talk like the rest of us. Do we ever think of this?
If we are well versed in some task and perhaps are teaching another, do we not sometimes become impatient to see their slow progress? Just imagine .. not only is Jesus well versed in EVERYTHING, but HE created everything with a Thought, an Act of Will ... and then willingly subjects Himself to this painstakingly long time of learning just to function in our world. For LOVE OF US. To reach us on OUR LEVEL, so WE would better UNDERSTAND. He did this so that He could DIE FOR US. He came to GIVE HIS ALL .. every drop of His Precious Blood, Every Breath ... unto the most shameful Death on a Cross. The Perfect Lamb, Beloved of the Father and Beloved of my soul!
Yet so many forget Him. Don't care what He did. Don't believe He's really there. Don't appreciate the GIFT. Too busy with their lives and things that they don't have time for God.
I have been begging God to let me love Him more. Now I know why and I ask you all to join me. Jesus' Sacred Heart BURNS with LOVE FOR US. He is perfect so His pain must be greater than we can even imagine. In your daily prayers (and if you do not have a prayer schedule ... Please do YOURSELF a favor and MAKE one!) beg God to let you love Him more! Beg forgiveness for those that don't love Him or know Him or even WANT to KNOW Him. [The Pardon Prayer with the Pardon Crucifix is good for this: Hold and devoutly kiss the Pardon Crucifix and say: "I believe, I adore, I hope and I love. I beg pardon for all those who do not believe, do not adore, do not hope and do not love."] We need to comfort His Sacred Heart. He longed for comfort in the Garden, He deserves to be comforted now and forever for all He's done and given to us miserable sinners.
Let's do what we can ... no, let's do our BEST to begin a movement; a campaign of LOVE for Jesus. To truly try to give Him the love He deserves that has been withheld from Him for one reason or another. Ask God to help you and give you the grace you need to love Him more and then to even love Him for all those that don't or WON'T love Him. Beg God to let you love Him for the whole world!
Let's all pray: "LORD, let me love You FOR THE WORLD!"
Now, as I type this, I'm seeing mugs, tee shirts, balloons, messages everywhere: LORD, Let me love You FOR THE WORLD! How wonderful if we could get everyone at least SEEING that ... perhaps some might even THINK of it and others might even be led to find out how they can help! Write it on your cards, email .. put it on your blogs, print it out and hang it on your walls, take a magic marker and write it on your mugs and tee shirts!!! LOL ... Now I feel like a woman with a mission again ... a GOOD MISSION!
Jesus DESERVES all the love we can give ... and there's SO MUCH He's not getting that He deserves. His Sweet Precious Heart ACHES indescribably with anguish not because He *needs* our love or even simply just wants it .. I believe He aches so because He knows what loving HIM gives TO US. His love is so PURE, GENUINE, PERFECT and JUST that He WANTS us to have that little taste of heaven that only loving Him can produce in our souls!!! Like many things ... the parables, the way He would teach and live and talk .... Making it seem like we're GIVING something to Him or each other ... when in reality, our actions permit GRACE to flow so that HE can GIVE TO US. Generous GRACIOUS MOST LOVING LORD, I cannot contain what I'm feeling now! Praise Your Holy and Magnificent Name!
If the WORLD loved Jesus, there would be NO CONFLICTS! If the WORLD loved Jesus, we could trust anyone and never hear the words war, terrorism or hate! If the world loved Jesus ... we would have heaven on earth ... and we will; ONE DAY.
"LORD, let me love You FOR THE WORLD!"